….because life’s so sweet. Lol. So obviously I’m having a good day…. let’s make that a good month. I haven’t had to battle any self imposed negativity, I haven’t had any sleepless nights, and I haven’t sunk into any periods of depression. Now a lot of that could be due to the fact that I’ve been working one full time job and two part-time holiday jobs (once recently ending at the same time as one beginning). So maybe it’s just that I’ve had no time to dwell on anything that might put me in a somber mood. But then again, I know that’s not true. I altogether had a mini break down a couple weeks ago, because I didn’t know how I was going to continue with this self-imposed independence and I was between checks at one job and the other one hadn’t paid me properly. Boy was I heated, and not because I needed to go shopping for some new shoes or needed to fly across country for a girls’ weekend, but because I just settled into my current place of residence and I needed some breathing room. Breathing room which was supposed to be afforded by having two jobs! So I broke down, but guess what, I didn’t have time to stay down. I didn’t have time to worry about what tomorrow was going to bring, even though I was upset, I had to force myself to understand that tomorrow was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. Because there was work to do in my life that next day, and the day after. It didn’t hurt that I have a great support system that’s only a dial away. Sometimes when I feel really alone, and I get caught up in a notion of self importance (that what happens to me only happens to me) my loved ones help me to snap back to reality. An important observation was relayed to me: I’ve always gotten through it, whatever it was and instead of struggling against the flow of progress (which is exactly what creates the discomfort) I must allow the future to happen and ride it out with faith.
So I’ve had the ability to dwell (but not for too long) and I’ve stayed busy, moving forward, progressing. And I’ve also had the time to reflect, to take in the deep breath I was afraid I couldn’t muster, and allow myself to realize just how sweet my life is. I’m now meditating on the place that I’ve arrived, the place between holding on and letting go, the place between forcing and giving – the place of faith, where my soul resides, where all things are placed exactly where they are to be in the appropriate time.
It’s not easy, but I’ve found that what is actually the hardest part is giving mySelf the room to breath, the hardest part is letting go of the reigns and being divinely guided to inspired action. It’s hard to allow because I’m so used to steam rolling into every situation! Lol. But reflecting back on all that I’ve done and been I get emotionally overwhelmed when I understand where I am now. I have arrived (not the first time and surely the last) and God does it feel great.
I just wanted to let you all know that I was better than okay, but how are you all doing, how’s everything in your world? You know I’m just a phone call, message or prayer away if you need me.....
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Self Serve
Every relationship, every opportunity you have at relating to another person brings with it a valuable lesson – good or bad. In relating to people we endure the most growth in understanding ourselves and what we hope to experience on this journey. Nowhere is that more true then in our intimate relationships – our romantic relationships and our familial relationships. As 2008 approaches and 2007 comes to a close I feel that one of the most important things I’ve come to understand is that I have to allow people to do what they’re going to anyway or what they want to do. Rather than put myself through unnecessary stress and strain.
Before I have a bunch of people jump on my back, let me clarify. In no other year of my life has self-servitude in people been more evident. I learned that regardless of how much you try to voice your concern, discomfort, or hesitation when a person has a set idea of what they want they will only go with what’s best for you for so long (in most cases) before their altruism runs out. In general there are conditions placed upon love. Rather, limitations placed upon love.
“I love you enough to do X, Y, and Z, but if it makes you uncomfortable and it’s something I want to do, eventually I’ll be doing it.”
Most people have the ability to bypass self-servitude for a period of time, through a few situations, working it out a few times, or just completely giving in to what is the simple solution – not doing what makes the other person uncomfortable. But for only so long, eventually most people will reveal their asses and have you more bothered than you were in the first place. Bothered, because you fell for the charade instead of a workable, tangible solution that was created through compromise (a key component in relationships!) that will perpetuate throughout the tenure of the relationship.
Relationships are about understanding, compromising, and coexisting with another. With that being said, your relationship with yourSelf and this journey called life is about love and the development and understanding of Self. When we enter into these relating-ships, we make a silent agreement with ourselves that part of our journey is going to be influenced by another, the bitter with the sweet. We are separate people, though, with our own agendas, plans, etc. And even when you both are aware of what is required to grow and sustain together, the both of you are going to do (in a sense) what serves you best individually first. Whether I am a consideration or not, I’ve come to learn how to allow that. This is not a process of being walked over or submissive, because just as they choose so do I. And the level at which I am a factor in the decision making process (considering it is a relationship!) helps me to better define what the relationship is for me. Just because you are given scraps doesn’t mean you have to eat them, especially when you can afford A LOT more. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to throughout this process of relating to others in 2007, people are going to do what they want to do regardless of how you feel, but you don’t have to accept it you just have to have faith in your (deserve)ability to receive what you need/want, even if it’s elsewhere.
I’m realizing daily that maybe I don’t know as much about relationships as I thought I did! So welcome to the rest of this learning process. 2008 is going to be an amazing year, you just wait! – I.D. (Informed Dayna)
Before I have a bunch of people jump on my back, let me clarify. In no other year of my life has self-servitude in people been more evident. I learned that regardless of how much you try to voice your concern, discomfort, or hesitation when a person has a set idea of what they want they will only go with what’s best for you for so long (in most cases) before their altruism runs out. In general there are conditions placed upon love. Rather, limitations placed upon love.
“I love you enough to do X, Y, and Z, but if it makes you uncomfortable and it’s something I want to do, eventually I’ll be doing it.”
Most people have the ability to bypass self-servitude for a period of time, through a few situations, working it out a few times, or just completely giving in to what is the simple solution – not doing what makes the other person uncomfortable. But for only so long, eventually most people will reveal their asses and have you more bothered than you were in the first place. Bothered, because you fell for the charade instead of a workable, tangible solution that was created through compromise (a key component in relationships!) that will perpetuate throughout the tenure of the relationship.
Relationships are about understanding, compromising, and coexisting with another. With that being said, your relationship with yourSelf and this journey called life is about love and the development and understanding of Self. When we enter into these relating-ships, we make a silent agreement with ourselves that part of our journey is going to be influenced by another, the bitter with the sweet. We are separate people, though, with our own agendas, plans, etc. And even when you both are aware of what is required to grow and sustain together, the both of you are going to do (in a sense) what serves you best individually first. Whether I am a consideration or not, I’ve come to learn how to allow that. This is not a process of being walked over or submissive, because just as they choose so do I. And the level at which I am a factor in the decision making process (considering it is a relationship!) helps me to better define what the relationship is for me. Just because you are given scraps doesn’t mean you have to eat them, especially when you can afford A LOT more. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to throughout this process of relating to others in 2007, people are going to do what they want to do regardless of how you feel, but you don’t have to accept it you just have to have faith in your (deserve)ability to receive what you need/want, even if it’s elsewhere.
I’m realizing daily that maybe I don’t know as much about relationships as I thought I did! So welcome to the rest of this learning process. 2008 is going to be an amazing year, you just wait! – I.D. (Informed Dayna)
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
If you're not ready.....
.....to be open completely
.....to give as much as you can, as often as you can
.....to grow mentally, spiritually, etc.
.....to let go of your past
.....to forgive
.....to be forgiven
.....to allow for human error
.....to wake up everyday loving life
.....to understand that relationships take work
.....to understand that relationships take sacrifice
.....to understand that relationships take compromise
.....to actively practice unconditionality everyday
.....to give your best everyday
.....to let go of blame to serve a higher purpose
.....to empathize
.....to be the best person that you can be
.....to be challenged
.....to share the intimate details of yourself
.....to be devoted
.....to understand
.....to be understood
.....to put pride on the backburner
.....to expect and support another's greatness
.....to have faith
.....to be a source of inspiration
.....to be loyal
.....to be devoted
.....to be patient
.....to be proactive
.....to submit to love
.....to be honest
.....to hear honesty
.....to trust
.....to be trusted
Than maybe you're not ready for a relationship AKA real-ationship AKA relate-tionship. Maybe you're not ready for a relationship that has a foundation in greatness. I believe that if you are not making yourself available to be all of these things to and for another person then there is work that needs to be done to get you from where you are to where you want to be. I don't believe that this is outside of anybody's realm of possibilities. Some of us just don't want to do it. Some of us just aren't ready for it. Some of us are just too afraid. If it's what you want then make yourself available for it by your readiness to do it. And it will come. :o)
Did I forget anything? Let me know, please and thank-you!
.....to give as much as you can, as often as you can
.....to grow mentally, spiritually, etc.
.....to let go of your past
.....to forgive
.....to be forgiven
.....to allow for human error
.....to wake up everyday loving life
.....to understand that relationships take work
.....to understand that relationships take sacrifice
.....to understand that relationships take compromise
.....to actively practice unconditionality everyday
.....to give your best everyday
.....to let go of blame to serve a higher purpose
.....to empathize
.....to be the best person that you can be
.....to be challenged
.....to share the intimate details of yourself
.....to be devoted
.....to understand
.....to be understood
.....to put pride on the backburner
.....to expect and support another's greatness
.....to have faith
.....to be a source of inspiration
.....to be loyal
.....to be devoted
.....to be patient
.....to be proactive
.....to submit to love
.....to be honest
.....to hear honesty
.....to trust
.....to be trusted
Than maybe you're not ready for a relationship AKA real-ationship AKA relate-tionship. Maybe you're not ready for a relationship that has a foundation in greatness. I believe that if you are not making yourself available to be all of these things to and for another person then there is work that needs to be done to get you from where you are to where you want to be. I don't believe that this is outside of anybody's realm of possibilities. Some of us just don't want to do it. Some of us just aren't ready for it. Some of us are just too afraid. If it's what you want then make yourself available for it by your readiness to do it. And it will come. :o)
Did I forget anything? Let me know, please and thank-you!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Instigator - My Affirmation!
Today I am instigating of my success. The instigator of my freedom, the instigator of my joy. This day and all the days ahead I will take charge of not only the things that I need to happen, but the things I want to happen. I will wear "self-instigator" as a badge of honor: I will INSTIGATE my destiny. Not just begin, not just step out, but I put full force in spirit, mind, and body behind all that I hope for in my life. This is my solemn vow....
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Compelled v. Looking
I am thoroughly amused by the statement: "I'm not ready for a relationship right now." You may say that, but most of the time you really mean, "I'm not interested in a relationship with you, but when the right person comes around then I'll jump." I get it. You're just not into him/her. If that's the case, you might just want to say it then. Or something to the effect of it. Honesty and potential lose is better than inevitable frustration and heartbreak.
Okay, but to the point, most men, I believe, take the compelled route. They aren't making any moves until they see what they want and they generally know what box to put you in within the first 20 minutes of talking to you. Like, "hey she's wifey material," or "she's probably convieniant for a good time." Not that they know for good but they have a general idea quickly whether you have the potential to be nothing, something convenient, or a whole lot more. I'm not saying all men do this, because I do know some that are actively seeking partnership. However there is a vast majority that do. And women seem to do, in general, the opposite. Our approaches seem to be the exact opposite: you can only go down from here, start out as relationship potential (Women) vs. you can only go up from here, start out as nothing to me (Men). A lot of us women (not all) tend to make ourselves always available and open to a relationship. It's like we're always trying to fit the square block into the triangle hole. Some men seem to know exactly what goes in the square space, the're just playing around until they come across the square piece that they KNOW belongs there! While us women are always on the lookout, seeking, opening ourselves up to pieces we know don't belong where we try to put them. And we keep doing it over and over again. Some of us continue to do it until we get it "right." Others just decide to wedge the triangle piece in the circular hole. While still others just get frustrated and decide to stop playing all together and leave unsatisfied.
I think the problem with most of us is that we aren't paying enough attention (or won't pay enough attention) to what we are trying to fill with what pieces. It you have a square hole don't try to fill it with a circular piece, just don't do it! If you know what you want keep going along on your merry way living your life ( playing)until it shows up. Until you SEE it! You don't go looking for it because you'll just end up trying to force it. Know what you want so when it does show up you'll know exactly what to do with it and where it goes. We need to start getting on the same page about what's most important to us, i.e. our relationships. Men aren't for Mars and women aren't from Venus, we're both from Earth and we need to be better to and for each other so we can actually enjoy the experiences of the love in our lives.
Disclaimer: The above statements do not apply to all men and all women. These are just my observations about the majority that I've interacted with.
Okay, but to the point, most men, I believe, take the compelled route. They aren't making any moves until they see what they want and they generally know what box to put you in within the first 20 minutes of talking to you. Like, "hey she's wifey material," or "she's probably convieniant for a good time." Not that they know for good but they have a general idea quickly whether you have the potential to be nothing, something convenient, or a whole lot more. I'm not saying all men do this, because I do know some that are actively seeking partnership. However there is a vast majority that do. And women seem to do, in general, the opposite. Our approaches seem to be the exact opposite: you can only go down from here, start out as relationship potential (Women) vs. you can only go up from here, start out as nothing to me (Men). A lot of us women (not all) tend to make ourselves always available and open to a relationship. It's like we're always trying to fit the square block into the triangle hole. Some men seem to know exactly what goes in the square space, the're just playing around until they come across the square piece that they KNOW belongs there! While us women are always on the lookout, seeking, opening ourselves up to pieces we know don't belong where we try to put them. And we keep doing it over and over again. Some of us continue to do it until we get it "right." Others just decide to wedge the triangle piece in the circular hole. While still others just get frustrated and decide to stop playing all together and leave unsatisfied.
I think the problem with most of us is that we aren't paying enough attention (or won't pay enough attention) to what we are trying to fill with what pieces. It you have a square hole don't try to fill it with a circular piece, just don't do it! If you know what you want keep going along on your merry way living your life ( playing)until it shows up. Until you SEE it! You don't go looking for it because you'll just end up trying to force it. Know what you want so when it does show up you'll know exactly what to do with it and where it goes. We need to start getting on the same page about what's most important to us, i.e. our relationships. Men aren't for Mars and women aren't from Venus, we're both from Earth and we need to be better to and for each other so we can actually enjoy the experiences of the love in our lives.
Disclaimer: The above statements do not apply to all men and all women. These are just my observations about the majority that I've interacted with.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Every Woman Should Have by Maya Angelou
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
Friday, June 22, 2007
Defining the Better Half
I'm a movement by myself, but I'm a force when we're together. Baby, I'm good all by myself, but baby you, you make me better. - Fabolous ft. Ne-Yo, Make Me Better
I always found it confusing when I've seen (or experienced) relationships where people are struggling to make it work. Not just working hard to make it work, but struggling.. I thought one of the perks of a relationship was being able to do what you do, but better. Why better? Because instead of one person working towards one goal, you have to people working towards a goal. Two people committed to making each other's lives better. Two people committed to love and growth. Two people committed to being a "better" half. Not better in the sense of she/he is a better person than I am, but rather she/he is committed to bettering themselves and me. You make me better, I make you better, or at least that's what we try to do. That's what I mean by better half or bettering half.
In a partner ,beyond the typical standards (honesty, trust, etc.), acceptance is necessary. A close second to acceptance is my partner's commitment to helping me to be a better person and vice versa. In my eyes, one of the purposes of a relationship is for a person to have a better understanding of who they are and who they want to be in relation to another. You relating to another person creates the dynamic of contrast giving you the ability to understand yourself better based upon this contrast. It's a beautiful and necessary part of the self-actualization process.
So in the event that you are experiencing the worst in yourself rather than the best and struggling to make the relationship work, maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship to your bettering half. Maybe it's time to reevaluate how you are relating to them. Are you being a bettering half and are they? Are you still committed to growth or are you committed to holding on? Where do your priorities currently lie? What about your focus? When you and your partners day to day interactions are not longer based upon growth maybe it's time to start readjusting, reevaluating, and/or moving on.
I always found it confusing when I've seen (or experienced) relationships where people are struggling to make it work. Not just working hard to make it work, but struggling.. I thought one of the perks of a relationship was being able to do what you do, but better. Why better? Because instead of one person working towards one goal, you have to people working towards a goal. Two people committed to making each other's lives better. Two people committed to love and growth. Two people committed to being a "better" half. Not better in the sense of she/he is a better person than I am, but rather she/he is committed to bettering themselves and me. You make me better, I make you better, or at least that's what we try to do. That's what I mean by better half or bettering half.
In a partner ,beyond the typical standards (honesty, trust, etc.), acceptance is necessary. A close second to acceptance is my partner's commitment to helping me to be a better person and vice versa. In my eyes, one of the purposes of a relationship is for a person to have a better understanding of who they are and who they want to be in relation to another. You relating to another person creates the dynamic of contrast giving you the ability to understand yourself better based upon this contrast. It's a beautiful and necessary part of the self-actualization process.
So in the event that you are experiencing the worst in yourself rather than the best and struggling to make the relationship work, maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship to your bettering half. Maybe it's time to reevaluate how you are relating to them. Are you being a bettering half and are they? Are you still committed to growth or are you committed to holding on? Where do your priorities currently lie? What about your focus? When you and your partners day to day interactions are not longer based upon growth maybe it's time to start readjusting, reevaluating, and/or moving on.
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