Holding my heart

I'm holding my heart in my hands not making any assumptions
On the verge of where what matters meets significance
Other than the way I'm feeling predictions could be pointless
So I stare longingly trying to figure out the true meaning
Of why I'm holding my heart in my hands wondering
Noticing that as I'm holding it it's still beating
- Excerpt from The Dynamic of Holding, Noni Reyes

Are you significant to yourself? Do you wish that someone else would "hold your heart"? And if so have you been holding it yourself? I often times reflect on how significant I've become to myself over the past few years. Before this growth, I was under the assumption that their was some valor in taking care of another person over yourself. Charging yourself responsible for another person's heart, without needing, asking, or requiring them to do the same thing in return. And what did that manage to bring about? Resentment, feelings of betrayal, bitterness, etc. And then I asked myself what I wanted. I wanted another person of significance to make the needing go away. That's what I asked for, in so many words. But when I had it, did the needing go away? No. Why? Because I needed to be a person of significance to myself to make the needing go away. I needed to allow myself to be significant and put myself first.

Not to blame this on anyone or anything, but, being a young woman, society makes it okay for us to be self-sacrificing. Give, give, give. Want to be a mother. Give, give, give. Don't demand. Don't ask for what you need. Give, give, give.

Well maybe you all didn't get that memo, but that was the message that I feel has been subliminally (and not so subliminally) delivered. So how does one go about the process of holding their own heart? Well for starters it might be a good idea to ask yourself how you try to show another person that you love them. You might try to figure out what it is that they want, need, etc. You might do your best diligently to listen to them, support them, advise them, etc. You might try to help them to be a better person. Whatever your answers are, and if you haven't done it yet, take the time to try to give those things to yourself. Take the time to understand what it is that you really want. Take the time to reflect on what you've done lately to get closer to the things you want. Do you give yourself ample rest? Are you patient with yourself? Are you accepting of yourself? Think about all the ways that you could be unconditionally loving of another person and start giving within. Start loving yourself unconditionally and the most that you can. In the event that you have never tried to do this before it can be a daunting task. You might start questioning yourself, like "Do I really have to accept everything about myself, there are somethings that I don't like." It's not a destination, it's a process and a journey. One that you will continue on for the rest of your life so don't look at it like there is somewhere you should be. Instead look at it as a direction you're venturing. Make who you are significant to you.