….because life’s so sweet. Lol. So obviously I’m having a good day…. let’s make that a good month. I haven’t had to battle any self imposed negativity, I haven’t had any sleepless nights, and I haven’t sunk into any periods of depression. Now a lot of that could be due to the fact that I’ve been working one full time job and two part-time holiday jobs (once recently ending at the same time as one beginning). So maybe it’s just that I’ve had no time to dwell on anything that might put me in a somber mood. But then again, I know that’s not true. I altogether had a mini break down a couple weeks ago, because I didn’t know how I was going to continue with this self-imposed independence and I was between checks at one job and the other one hadn’t paid me properly. Boy was I heated, and not because I needed to go shopping for some new shoes or needed to fly across country for a girls’ weekend, but because I just settled into my current place of residence and I needed some breathing room. Breathing room which was supposed to be afforded by having two jobs! So I broke down, but guess what, I didn’t have time to stay down. I didn’t have time to worry about what tomorrow was going to bring, even though I was upset, I had to force myself to understand that tomorrow was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. Because there was work to do in my life that next day, and the day after. It didn’t hurt that I have a great support system that’s only a dial away. Sometimes when I feel really alone, and I get caught up in a notion of self importance (that what happens to me only happens to me) my loved ones help me to snap back to reality. An important observation was relayed to me: I’ve always gotten through it, whatever it was and instead of struggling against the flow of progress (which is exactly what creates the discomfort) I must allow the future to happen and ride it out with faith.
So I’ve had the ability to dwell (but not for too long) and I’ve stayed busy, moving forward, progressing. And I’ve also had the time to reflect, to take in the deep breath I was afraid I couldn’t muster, and allow myself to realize just how sweet my life is. I’m now meditating on the place that I’ve arrived, the place between holding on and letting go, the place between forcing and giving – the place of faith, where my soul resides, where all things are placed exactly where they are to be in the appropriate time.
It’s not easy, but I’ve found that what is actually the hardest part is giving mySelf the room to breath, the hardest part is letting go of the reigns and being divinely guided to inspired action. It’s hard to allow because I’m so used to steam rolling into every situation! Lol. But reflecting back on all that I’ve done and been I get emotionally overwhelmed when I understand where I am now. I have arrived (not the first time and surely the last) and God does it feel great.
I just wanted to let you all know that I was better than okay, but how are you all doing, how’s everything in your world? You know I’m just a phone call, message or prayer away if you need me.....
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Self Serve
Every relationship, every opportunity you have at relating to another person brings with it a valuable lesson – good or bad. In relating to people we endure the most growth in understanding ourselves and what we hope to experience on this journey. Nowhere is that more true then in our intimate relationships – our romantic relationships and our familial relationships. As 2008 approaches and 2007 comes to a close I feel that one of the most important things I’ve come to understand is that I have to allow people to do what they’re going to anyway or what they want to do. Rather than put myself through unnecessary stress and strain.
Before I have a bunch of people jump on my back, let me clarify. In no other year of my life has self-servitude in people been more evident. I learned that regardless of how much you try to voice your concern, discomfort, or hesitation when a person has a set idea of what they want they will only go with what’s best for you for so long (in most cases) before their altruism runs out. In general there are conditions placed upon love. Rather, limitations placed upon love.
“I love you enough to do X, Y, and Z, but if it makes you uncomfortable and it’s something I want to do, eventually I’ll be doing it.”
Most people have the ability to bypass self-servitude for a period of time, through a few situations, working it out a few times, or just completely giving in to what is the simple solution – not doing what makes the other person uncomfortable. But for only so long, eventually most people will reveal their asses and have you more bothered than you were in the first place. Bothered, because you fell for the charade instead of a workable, tangible solution that was created through compromise (a key component in relationships!) that will perpetuate throughout the tenure of the relationship.
Relationships are about understanding, compromising, and coexisting with another. With that being said, your relationship with yourSelf and this journey called life is about love and the development and understanding of Self. When we enter into these relating-ships, we make a silent agreement with ourselves that part of our journey is going to be influenced by another, the bitter with the sweet. We are separate people, though, with our own agendas, plans, etc. And even when you both are aware of what is required to grow and sustain together, the both of you are going to do (in a sense) what serves you best individually first. Whether I am a consideration or not, I’ve come to learn how to allow that. This is not a process of being walked over or submissive, because just as they choose so do I. And the level at which I am a factor in the decision making process (considering it is a relationship!) helps me to better define what the relationship is for me. Just because you are given scraps doesn’t mean you have to eat them, especially when you can afford A LOT more. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to throughout this process of relating to others in 2007, people are going to do what they want to do regardless of how you feel, but you don’t have to accept it you just have to have faith in your (deserve)ability to receive what you need/want, even if it’s elsewhere.
I’m realizing daily that maybe I don’t know as much about relationships as I thought I did! So welcome to the rest of this learning process. 2008 is going to be an amazing year, you just wait! – I.D. (Informed Dayna)
Before I have a bunch of people jump on my back, let me clarify. In no other year of my life has self-servitude in people been more evident. I learned that regardless of how much you try to voice your concern, discomfort, or hesitation when a person has a set idea of what they want they will only go with what’s best for you for so long (in most cases) before their altruism runs out. In general there are conditions placed upon love. Rather, limitations placed upon love.
“I love you enough to do X, Y, and Z, but if it makes you uncomfortable and it’s something I want to do, eventually I’ll be doing it.”
Most people have the ability to bypass self-servitude for a period of time, through a few situations, working it out a few times, or just completely giving in to what is the simple solution – not doing what makes the other person uncomfortable. But for only so long, eventually most people will reveal their asses and have you more bothered than you were in the first place. Bothered, because you fell for the charade instead of a workable, tangible solution that was created through compromise (a key component in relationships!) that will perpetuate throughout the tenure of the relationship.
Relationships are about understanding, compromising, and coexisting with another. With that being said, your relationship with yourSelf and this journey called life is about love and the development and understanding of Self. When we enter into these relating-ships, we make a silent agreement with ourselves that part of our journey is going to be influenced by another, the bitter with the sweet. We are separate people, though, with our own agendas, plans, etc. And even when you both are aware of what is required to grow and sustain together, the both of you are going to do (in a sense) what serves you best individually first. Whether I am a consideration or not, I’ve come to learn how to allow that. This is not a process of being walked over or submissive, because just as they choose so do I. And the level at which I am a factor in the decision making process (considering it is a relationship!) helps me to better define what the relationship is for me. Just because you are given scraps doesn’t mean you have to eat them, especially when you can afford A LOT more. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to throughout this process of relating to others in 2007, people are going to do what they want to do regardless of how you feel, but you don’t have to accept it you just have to have faith in your (deserve)ability to receive what you need/want, even if it’s elsewhere.
I’m realizing daily that maybe I don’t know as much about relationships as I thought I did! So welcome to the rest of this learning process. 2008 is going to be an amazing year, you just wait! – I.D. (Informed Dayna)
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