I’ve got cavities…

….because life’s so sweet. Lol. So obviously I’m having a good day…. let’s make that a good month. I haven’t had to battle any self imposed negativity, I haven’t had any sleepless nights, and I haven’t sunk into any periods of depression. Now a lot of that could be due to the fact that I’ve been working one full time job and two part-time holiday jobs (once recently ending at the same time as one beginning). So maybe it’s just that I’ve had no time to dwell on anything that might put me in a somber mood. But then again, I know that’s not true. I altogether had a mini break down a couple weeks ago, because I didn’t know how I was going to continue with this self-imposed independence and I was between checks at one job and the other one hadn’t paid me properly. Boy was I heated, and not because I needed to go shopping for some new shoes or needed to fly across country for a girls’ weekend, but because I just settled into my current place of residence and I needed some breathing room. Breathing room which was supposed to be afforded by having two jobs! So I broke down, but guess what, I didn’t have time to stay down. I didn’t have time to worry about what tomorrow was going to bring, even though I was upset, I had to force myself to understand that tomorrow was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. Because there was work to do in my life that next day, and the day after. It didn’t hurt that I have a great support system that’s only a dial away. Sometimes when I feel really alone, and I get caught up in a notion of self importance (that what happens to me only happens to me) my loved ones help me to snap back to reality. An important observation was relayed to me: I’ve always gotten through it, whatever it was and instead of struggling against the flow of progress (which is exactly what creates the discomfort) I must allow the future to happen and ride it out with faith.

So I’ve had the ability to dwell (but not for too long) and I’ve stayed busy, moving forward, progressing. And I’ve also had the time to reflect, to take in the deep breath I was afraid I couldn’t muster, and allow myself to realize just how sweet my life is. I’m now meditating on the place that I’ve arrived, the place between holding on and letting go, the place between forcing and giving – the place of faith, where my soul resides, where all things are placed exactly where they are to be in the appropriate time.

It’s not easy, but I’ve found that what is actually the hardest part is giving mySelf the room to breath, the hardest part is letting go of the reigns and being divinely guided to inspired action. It’s hard to allow because I’m so used to steam rolling into every situation! Lol. But reflecting back on all that I’ve done and been I get emotionally overwhelmed when I understand where I am now. I have arrived (not the first time and surely the last) and God does it feel great.

I just wanted to let you all know that I was better than okay, but how are you all doing, how’s everything in your world? You know I’m just a phone call, message or prayer away if you need me.....

Defining the Better Half

I'm a movement by myself, but I'm a force when we're together. Baby, I'm good all by myself, but baby you, you make me better. - Fabolous ft. Ne-Yo, Make Me Better

I always found it confusing when I've seen (or experienced) relationships where people are struggling to make it work. Not just working hard to make it work, but struggling.. I thought one of the perks of a relationship was being able to do what you do, but better. Why better? Because instead of one person working towards one goal, you have to people working towards a goal. Two people committed to making each other's lives better. Two people committed to love and growth. Two people committed to being a "better" half. Not better in the sense of she/he is a better person than I am, but rather she/he is committed to bettering themselves and me. You make me better, I make you better, or at least that's what we try to do. That's what I mean by better half or bettering half.

In a partner ,beyond the typical standards (honesty, trust, etc.), acceptance is necessary. A close second to acceptance is my partner's commitment to helping me to be a better person and vice versa. In my eyes, one of the purposes of a relationship is for a person to have a better understanding of who they are and who they want to be in relation to another. You relating to another person creates the dynamic of contrast giving you the ability to understand yourself better based upon this contrast. It's a beautiful and necessary part of the self-actualization process.

So in the event that you are experiencing the worst in yourself rather than the best and struggling to make the relationship work, maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship to your bettering half. Maybe it's time to reevaluate how you are relating to them. Are you being a bettering half and are they? Are you still committed to growth or are you committed to holding on? Where do your priorities currently lie? What about your focus? When you and your partners day to day interactions are not longer based upon growth maybe it's time to start readjusting, reevaluating, and/or moving on.

Family Matters

When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them. ~George Bernard Shaw

Okay so in the midst of everything that must go on in the world it's impossible to expect anyone and everyone to respect your transitions. Especially your family. Especially the people who believe they have claim on everything that is personal and/or that matters to you. So in the midst of your own personal imbalance your family seems like they need you for anything and everything. Yes, we as a family, the entire (Insert Last Name Here) Clan, are in the midst of a transition. A big one and there is pain and there is disappointment and there is heartache. But at the same time there is joy and growth and comfort. But what is family for? It's to get through these transitions together. Because without them we'd have to get through them by ourselves or not get through them at all. So no matter how inconvenient it may seem when they need you it's a good idea to show up. Because I'm sure they do the same for you and then some.

Problem Child

Have you ever been in a public place and witnessed a child act out. What I mean is: have you ever witnessed a child lose their mind and react in a way that most of us would have met our maker over. I often times wonder what can be going on at home and within the family dynamic that would allow (yes, allow) a child to carry on that way, in public nevertheless. The more I thought about it I came to understand that the outside reaction is just a response to the real problem - whatever issues are going on on the inside. So being a responsible parent what would you do? Would you ring your child's neck? Would you allow them to cut up and walk off, mouthing to passerbyers "Who's child is that?"? Or would you just pick up your child and leave? My real question is this: even if you are prepared to deal with the outbursts, do you recognize that it's the result of a bigger problem? I think this question is relevant to all people, because it helps us to recognize when we are dealing with people who are less than agreeable that we are only dealing with a reaction to the real problem. When we encounter people who interact with others in a disagreeable fashion we must remind ourselves that we're not dealing with their problem with us, we're dealing with their problem with themselves. Generally, people who are highly critical of others are 10x more critical of themselves. People who are doubtful of others are 10x more doubtful of themselves. Etc, etc. You get the point. This post is about how to UNDERSTAND so that you can deal with them should you encounter them in your day-to-day activities. Our job is not to point out what's "wrong" with them, because trust me they've already beat us to it. Our job is to recognize that there is a bigger problem at hand and not add fuel to the fire by making them aware of what their issues are. Because like I said, they already know and they knew it before you did. There are two tools that when practiced help deal with this situation with ease: acceptance and patience. Yep, acceptance. Why, oh why would you want to accept someone that may be in your face, mouthing off, having grown-up temper-tantrums, or all of the above? Especially when you understand they aren't accepting themselves. Because it helps you to deal with a situation you'd rather not deal with and move through it, and at the same time not aggravate the situation. It eases things AND moves them along for you. And yes, patience. Why patience, because without it you're liable to do something, or say something that will make the situation more disagreeable. Just like dealing with an aggravated child. Since you are the more knowledgeable party, you are the most responsible. So act out of that responsibility. And remember: the outward action is only a reaction to an internal problem.

Bad Dayna

Okay, I've experienced some mean people in my day (read: buttheads) and I have responded in like in the past. If you were a meany, then I was going to be a meany. Relevant to the post below. So I thought about why do I keep attracting meanies? Quite possibly because I took the time to demonstrate I could be a meany back. But thank you God, I know their purpose in my life and how to keep the meanies at bay. Their purpose is to show me how not to act! *leap for joy* Wow, it only took me 24 years to figure that one out. Yes, there are examples everyday of people and things that I believe aren't for me, but the beauty of it is I get to grow as a result of these encounters. I get to choose how I want to be! Yep, I get to say "Well, that's not nice and it's not for me, I'll be moving on now." I get to walk away, I get to enjoy the rest of my day! I know that sounds corny and sounds too easy and who would want to actually think that? But the amazing part about it is that I feel so much better, when I choose that instead of getting upset and acting out of my upset-ness. So from now on I'm Miss Thank-you-but-no-thank-you-I'll-be-on-my-way-now. And I expect, as I'm becoming more disciplined, you'll see Bad Dayna less and less.

Question: How do you deal with the meanies? (Yes, I still use the word meany!)

Two wrongs = even, or does it?

I once heard someone say in response to "two wrongs don't make a right":

Two wrongs may not make a right, but it sure does make it even!

Even? Hmmmm.... Vindication, making things even, giving someone there just do.... Does it really make it even?

I've never been that "good" at retaliating. Not because I'm not creative enough, and not because I can't get back at someone with the effort that I feel I was wronged with. But because I know that no matter what I do outwardly, the feeling of being wronged stems from an internal issue. I've just been reminded of what that internal issue is and that's why I'm bothered. Trust me, I'm creative, I have great ideas and sometimes (read: a lot of times) I feel better when I think of the things I could do in return. I giggle to myself, sometimes I all out crack up, especially at myself for some of the ridiculous schemes I think up. But that's as far as it goes, only thoughts. Why only thoughts and not actions? Shouldn't I have every right to take into my own hands actions which balance the equation? If my goal in relating to other people is manipulation and maintaining my power over another person, then yes. If I feel like my way is the only right and proper way, then yes. If I feel that my ideas and understandings are the only absolute truth, then yes. But I understand, as equal participants in life, that we are all here to interact with each other for the purpose of growth. It goes against the person I am growing to be if I stoop to the level of retaliation.

When I get upset when I feel wronged, 9 times out of 10, it's because of the idea of a person being mean to another just because they can. If I responded in like I would be doing the exact same thing, for the exact same reason, regardless of how justified I feel. Just because I can. I used to be bothered by the fact that I didn't seek retribution, but I now know that it's not about doing something back to prove myself. I can only be me and having nothing to prove makes me feel good.

So why do people retaliate? I think most people do it to balance the power. When people feel powerless, they tend to do things outwardly (instead of internally) to demonstrate to themselves and others that they are powerful. They have something to prove: they don't want others to feel they can hold power over them. So retaliation seems like a good option, heck they have reason to do it (at least they believe they do). Since someone took the time to remind them of how powerless they feel on the inside, who better to "prove" their power to?

So in fact, two wrongs don't make things even. No matter how good you may feel in the moment, as a result of vindication, the feeling of powerless will not go away because of the outward action. And there will be constant reminders, especially when you feel you've been wronged. Yes, you are responsible for making things even, but not out of a resulting outward action, but from inner work on you. If you seek to get rid of the powerlessness that causes you to seek vindication start on the inside. The outward display won't then be necessary and then things will truly be even.

It's not you...it's me, really!

Okay this post is not what you think it's about, sorry! But maybe I'll address that in another post on another day. Anywho, this post is about people who take things to dang-on personal. Yep, you know you do it, yes I know I do it, but this is for the extremists, the nosy friends, and the I'm-not-lookin-at-your-page-but-I-really-am-to-see-if-you're-talkin-bout-me'ers. Yeah, you know you who are, and this post is definitely about you! So what spawned so much aggression from little Dayna Nicole AKA Sunshine? I've had a couple comments about my posts (I know you feel me on this Relle) about the tone of my posts (posts which I thought were somewhat inspirational - I tried!) and the inspiration behind said posts (namely a few people, past and present). So I decided to respond in one simple and short synopsis (which this may or may not end up being).

This is a public service announcement:

My life doesn't revolve around people, it revolves around me!

What I love, who I love, what I love to do, and the love I have for myGod, mySelf and my life (or momentary lapses of sanity when just the opposite exists). Yes, there is inspiration from everywhere, and there have been recent events in my life that would seem to spawn my creativity. Yes, some of the best love songs, poetry, and art (to name a few things) has been birthed from a tortured soul, someone falling in love, someone falling out of love. But baby, this isn't a love song and I'm not Luther.

So where does your inspiration come from then Dayna? I have friends and I watch TV, I have a love life, and I have had a past, I will have a future, I do have relatives, and oh, maybe quite possibly, I have a brain. I read books, I take walks, I love men, women too, I love my dog and I love my parents. So lets add them up should we, I have just listed 13 or so factors and that is just the tip of the iceberg. I write because I think, and I get to choose what I think about (thank God), I think that's the best out of them all.

I also write because I'm hoping my thoughts help someone somewhere to become inspired. Inspired to do what Dayna? Inspired to do whatever! Write themselves if they think they have something better to say then me! Leave a negative relationship. Eat some good food. Get their behinds off the couch and make something more of their lives. Run around the block. Pick up a new book. Wash their hair. Comment on my blog. Listen to a song, whatever! I'd like to inspire people to lead great lives and inspire myself to lead a better one as well. Hell, I'm selfish, this is about me and I hope and pray that everyone who reads what I write benefits from it greatly. Now, are there anymore questions?

Okay I just needed to vent, back to flowers, pixie dust, and my curls! Take it with a grain of salt and please don't take it personal! It's all LOVE!

Question: Why do you think people take things so personal, when it clearly has nothing to do with them?

I wish someone would have told me....

I wish someone would have told me when I was a child that I can do whatever I want to do, I am a free being, I was created in the flawless image of GOD, I have infinite potential, and there is no need for fear because greatness is my destiny. Yes a lot, more than a mouthful, but I think if I started from that place, understanding my value and the love and support that the Universe (God) has for me, I would have started out in line with my path sooner. I don't believe there is such thing as a "too late" so I'm in line and loving it! But it would have prevented unnecessary struggling. And I could have spent more time loving myself and other people than worrying and judging myself. This post is brought to you by (stole this part from Relle):

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY


I hope you enjoy!