Moving into Necessary

I was recently having a conversation with a friend of mine and we were talking about the relationships that we would consider recreating. I could feel and hear the pain in her voice when she spoke of the person and how she wished she could have that intimate connection again. She was dealing with regret. Regret for the lose of the relationship and regret for what she believed to be the lose of that love. I can't just call her out alone, because by listening to her I got caught up in some regret of my own.

Yes, this post is definitely about me.

I thought back to a relationship I had a couple years ago and how much I wanted it to work and how much I wanted to show the other person that I loved them. But I couldn't love them the way I wanted to because inside I was hurting. I wanted to scream so often at him "I can't love you when I hate myself." But I think he eventually got the picture, the proof was when I actually did push him enough that he did leave.

I didn't want it to end that way or be that way and it created a rift between us that I still dwell on. But let's revisit that statement: I can't love you when I hate myself. It almost scares me today to recall the downward spiral that my life was taking. No, there was nothing that I was involved in outwardly that was contributing to my unhealthiness. It was my inner doubt, fear, and lack of self-confidence. I wasn't moving forward because I was afraid to move, so instead I moved down, down deep into myself. Being involved with another person made it difficult to work through everything I was encountering in my darkness. So I would come out of it and then plunge back into, on and on, a vicious cycle. But once he wasn't there anymore and once it was clear (although not consciously ideal) I stayed in the darkness and worked through it. I did what was necessary without understanding that it was necessary. I actually spent 2 years fighting doing what was necessary! Because I viewed it as being unnecessary, because I was afraid to let go, because I was determined to resist the natural flow. But once I did let it go and allowed what was becoming to be, I came to the place where I was loving myself. Actively loving myself everyday, boy was it difficult but boy is it worth it. I don't like to think about it, but sometimes I have to remind myself of where I could be if I hadn't made that break. I think about the damage I could have done to myself, to him, to us. I think about the point-of-no-returns that I could have fallen into. I think about the wasted time, emotions, and energy that would have been expelled. Then I take a deep breath, close my eyes, look into me and thank God of where I've arrived. Thank God for where I'm at now and thank God from rescuing me from where I could have been. The gains have definitely outweighed the losses.

I wrote this post to encourage my friend. To encourage all of you who are afraid to do what's necessary. Guidance shows you where to go and what to do, it just takes courage to move into the necessary. The celebration of my journey has replaced my regret. And my self love has replaced the love I felt I lost. I know that I will still think of him from time to time and what I walked away from, but I know my decision will be validated by what I know I'm being prepared for. I'm being prepared for the person to whom I can say: "I can love you because I love myself."

Problem Child

Have you ever been in a public place and witnessed a child act out. What I mean is: have you ever witnessed a child lose their mind and react in a way that most of us would have met our maker over. I often times wonder what can be going on at home and within the family dynamic that would allow (yes, allow) a child to carry on that way, in public nevertheless. The more I thought about it I came to understand that the outside reaction is just a response to the real problem - whatever issues are going on on the inside. So being a responsible parent what would you do? Would you ring your child's neck? Would you allow them to cut up and walk off, mouthing to passerbyers "Who's child is that?"? Or would you just pick up your child and leave? My real question is this: even if you are prepared to deal with the outbursts, do you recognize that it's the result of a bigger problem? I think this question is relevant to all people, because it helps us to recognize when we are dealing with people who are less than agreeable that we are only dealing with a reaction to the real problem. When we encounter people who interact with others in a disagreeable fashion we must remind ourselves that we're not dealing with their problem with us, we're dealing with their problem with themselves. Generally, people who are highly critical of others are 10x more critical of themselves. People who are doubtful of others are 10x more doubtful of themselves. Etc, etc. You get the point. This post is about how to UNDERSTAND so that you can deal with them should you encounter them in your day-to-day activities. Our job is not to point out what's "wrong" with them, because trust me they've already beat us to it. Our job is to recognize that there is a bigger problem at hand and not add fuel to the fire by making them aware of what their issues are. Because like I said, they already know and they knew it before you did. There are two tools that when practiced help deal with this situation with ease: acceptance and patience. Yep, acceptance. Why, oh why would you want to accept someone that may be in your face, mouthing off, having grown-up temper-tantrums, or all of the above? Especially when you understand they aren't accepting themselves. Because it helps you to deal with a situation you'd rather not deal with and move through it, and at the same time not aggravate the situation. It eases things AND moves them along for you. And yes, patience. Why patience, because without it you're liable to do something, or say something that will make the situation more disagreeable. Just like dealing with an aggravated child. Since you are the more knowledgeable party, you are the most responsible. So act out of that responsibility. And remember: the outward action is only a reaction to an internal problem.

TrueToYourself Inc.

Okay, so a friend of mine, Saron, wrote this amazing article about his passion (hip-hop) titled Hip Hop? Not in my Office!. The article details his concern for being true to his passion while entering Corporate America. How do you serve your creativity and still manage to pay the bills? I feel like we, more than any other generation, are struggling with this issue. I think that our parents made the choice that seemed to serve a higher good - be responsible, choose job security. Thus sacrificing their creative drive (for those that had it). It wasn't an easy choice, but they made it.

After reading Saron's article I thought to myself "How could one serve another by denying their own creative interest?". And came up with the only answer I could think of - they can't. Whatever it is that is your passion, whatever drives you, whatever you wake up mornings excited about and go to sleep evenings dreaming about - let that be the defining factor in what you do. You will not serve anyone, especially not yourself, by denying your passion and creative interests. Why do it then? Why does it happen? Is it harder to do the things we feel we "need" to do and defer (or deny) the things we have a desire to do? Or is it harder to take the risk to do what you desire and have a passion for and not concern yourself with the perceived "need"? And what is really defined as a need?

Well, in my opinion, my defined needs are doing the things that drive me, the things that give me purpose and a sense of accomplishment. However, if you ask certain people (i.e., my parents) my defined needs are the things that allow me to be independent and pay the bills. I believe, through fear, we lead ourselves to believe that we cannot be well supported by our passions, especially those of us who have a passion outside of what drives Corporate America. I also believe that the two ideas of what my defined needs are should not be in conflict. But there is priority. My passion should bring me prosperity, and I expect it to. When lined up with my purpose, it will. I don't believe that what you have a passion and purpose for should conflict with what you have a need to do. In fact, I know they are directly in line with each other. Once put into practice, it makes the act of doing what is needed easier, because it doesn't deny what you have a desire to do. It takes integrity and dedication to get to that point for those of us who aren't there currently, but it's well worth the effort.

So I'm going to get started on putting it in practice, because I'm worth it. I am also ready to help anyone else whose ready to get started as well. And I'm all about helping Awesomeness Inc. get underway, and if you don't know what I'm talking about you need to read the article!

Question: Do you think it's possible to do what you're passionate about and gain prosperity from that? Or will it have to be something you do on the side and after your 9-5?

The Right Place

Have you ever been in a place of sheer joy in anticipation. Remember what it was like to be 8 years old and anticipating your birthday. You're pretty sure about what you're getting, and you're ready to start counting down:

I'll be 9 in 6 days, 15 hours, and 53 minutes....

I'll be 9 in 5 days, 3 hours, and 4 minutes....

I'll be 9 in 1 day, 2 hours, and 37 minutes....

You know it's coming and you know it's good. There is nothing coming in between you and the joy you are expecting. There is joy in expecting! When was the last time you had joy in expecting something? Was it when you were 8? Not just happy or satisfied, but completely elated and overtaken by the idea of something advantageous coming your way. When I'm in line with my blessings and anticipate them so much I can feel it and just about how far away it is, I get joy in expecting.

I am happy about the prospect of getting what I want and I go into a phase akin to what expectant mothers go through - nesting. I actually prepare myself and my environment for my blessing! It's not even a conscious act, I've just now noticed it. But it only happens when I have joy in anticipating what I want. I noticed another thing: when I'm bummed out, upset, feeling awful I couldn't attract (or enjoy for that matter) something great.

So what does this have to do with allowing your blessings?

It is one of my prerequisites for being in line with my blessings - having joy in expecting.

So what does it take to be in line with blessings?

For me, in addition to having joy in expecting, there are other requirements:

1) Where Am I? - I need to know where I am (analyze my current situation, I have to know where I am to know how to get to where I want to be)

2) Seek Help - I gather everyone I know that will aid me through advice, encouragement, and the resources to help me be in line with my blessings and/or help my blessings come to pass. I'm also sure to avoid people who tend to add negativity to my situation.

3) Getting My Mind Right - I keep myself thinking about what I'm anticipating, I keep myself in love with what I'm anticipating. I keep reminders where I can see them. And by all means I keep my attention off the lack of my blessings. I know that it's coming - I feel it coming.

4) Get About Doing! - If I know the steps that I need to take, I get about doing them. If I don't know or it isn't completely clear, I am about the business of doing what feels good and focusing on what's great in my life. Sooner, rather than later, I know I'll be shown the way.

I think a lot of the time most of us know what to do, we just tend to get caught up in the routine of our current life. Start small, if there are 100 steps, start and focus on the first ten and most importantly the first one. Do your best to get and stay in your place of blessing, you know when you're not there, don't you? So do everything in your power to get there, and let the Divine take care of the rest. Be focused, be of single purpose and of sound mind, you're on your way!

Question: What do you do to get yourself in line with what you desire? How do you feel when you're on path/in the right place?