Instigator - My Affirmation!

Today I am instigating of my success. The instigator of my freedom, the instigator of my joy. This day and all the days ahead I will take charge of not only the things that I need to happen, but the things I want to happen. I will wear "self-instigator" as a badge of honor: I will INSTIGATE my destiny. Not just begin, not just step out, but I put full force in spirit, mind, and body behind all that I hope for in my life. This is my solemn vow....

Every Woman Should Have by Maya Angelou

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

Quote of the Moment

Be careful of the company you keep. I'm working on attracting and making myself available to people who can help me grow and who I can help to grow. Meditate on this for a moment and think about the people who are in your life. Are they adding to your growth or taking away from it? And if the later is true what do you plan on doing about it?

"One thing I've learned is that it is important to surround yourself with the kind of people you aspire to be. If you hang around with deadbeats and pessimists, you'll end up with a negative view of the world." - Tom Kelley

I'm choosing to have a positive view of the world and hopefully you will too. Enjoy!

The Reasons

If they keep giving you reasons to leave. If you can list why you should go and have them numbered one through ten. If the losses substantially outweigh the gains, its time to move on. Whether it's a job, an affiliation, a relationship, or a place, get about the business of moving when you are being tugged. You are being tugged for a reason! You might wake up one day to find it gone, but not on your terms and quite possibly harbor the regret of not having done the leaving first. Do not take the signs lightly, you're being tugged in another direction and whether you do the leaving or the leaving gets done to you, its time to move forward. When you make the choice to seek something that is more fulfilling for your soul's journey God will show you the way. All you need is enough faith to allow yourself to follow the direction you're being led. Every step of the way God will be there. So get ready.....

Game recognize game.....

.....and you're looking kinda unfamiliar right now. I love that line from the Boondocks. I'm not sure Riley has spoken any greater truth. How would you recognize something that is completely unfamiliar to you? You recognize things that are inherit in yourself, things that you have taken the time to familiarize yourself with, and/or are a part of you. Remember the saying "No one will treat you better than you treat yourself"? I'd like to add something to that: in the event that someone did, you wouldn't be able to appreciate it, because you wouldn't recognize what they are doing. So here's the whole thing:

No one will treat you better than you treat yourself and if they do you won't be able to appreciate it.

In all honesty that applies to so many other things, no one will love you if you don't love yourself. No one will value you if you don't value yourself. When you think about it, how would you be able to recognize it unless you've experienced it first hand?

To recognize is to re-cognize and to re-familiarize. Unless you allow yourself the respect, love, treatment, and patience of yourself, you'll have a hard time receiving it (or recognizing it for that matter) from another person. Treating yourself in the best way possible, actually accepting the person that you are and loving that person leaves no room for anything less when dealing with other people. When you give yourself the most that you can it allows you to recognize and appreciate when someone respects you at the level you deserve. There becomes a shift in what is familiar and what is unfamiliar. You are then more open to welcome and accept the respect, while keeping yourself unfamiliar with what and who conflicts with your self-respect. It is habitual for most people to welcome and accept the familiar and keep what is unfamiliar at a distance. Why not become familiar with your own self-love and self-respect, that way you won't have to worry about someone else defining what you deserve?

I am taking the time to get acquainted with the person that I have grown to be. I am taking the time to trust myself and love myself unconditionally. The people who I choose to share my life with are reaping the benefits (I hope) of me growing from this elevated place. That way not only do I recognize their respect and love for me, I also appreciate it. Not long ago, though, I was in a place where I couldn't. Thank you God for my growth.

Take the time to sit down and make a list of the ways you can treat yourself better. I'll share my list with you:

How to treat myself in the best way possible

1. Stop being so hard on myself
2. Accept myself, as I am, without condition
3. Take the time to spend time with myself, by myself
4. Commit myself to doing things for myself, that I enjoy
5. Instead of pointing out my flaws, take the time to pay attention to the things that I love about myself
6. Accept compliments
7. Dance whenever I get the chance
8. Keep promises I make to myself
9. Spend time with friends that I have a great time with
10. Make myself a priority and not allow myself to be pulled in all different directions

Enjoy! Please share with me any of the ways you take the time to treat yourself the best way possible, I'm always looking for suggestions!

TrueToYourself Inc.

Okay, so a friend of mine, Saron, wrote this amazing article about his passion (hip-hop) titled Hip Hop? Not in my Office!. The article details his concern for being true to his passion while entering Corporate America. How do you serve your creativity and still manage to pay the bills? I feel like we, more than any other generation, are struggling with this issue. I think that our parents made the choice that seemed to serve a higher good - be responsible, choose job security. Thus sacrificing their creative drive (for those that had it). It wasn't an easy choice, but they made it.

After reading Saron's article I thought to myself "How could one serve another by denying their own creative interest?". And came up with the only answer I could think of - they can't. Whatever it is that is your passion, whatever drives you, whatever you wake up mornings excited about and go to sleep evenings dreaming about - let that be the defining factor in what you do. You will not serve anyone, especially not yourself, by denying your passion and creative interests. Why do it then? Why does it happen? Is it harder to do the things we feel we "need" to do and defer (or deny) the things we have a desire to do? Or is it harder to take the risk to do what you desire and have a passion for and not concern yourself with the perceived "need"? And what is really defined as a need?

Well, in my opinion, my defined needs are doing the things that drive me, the things that give me purpose and a sense of accomplishment. However, if you ask certain people (i.e., my parents) my defined needs are the things that allow me to be independent and pay the bills. I believe, through fear, we lead ourselves to believe that we cannot be well supported by our passions, especially those of us who have a passion outside of what drives Corporate America. I also believe that the two ideas of what my defined needs are should not be in conflict. But there is priority. My passion should bring me prosperity, and I expect it to. When lined up with my purpose, it will. I don't believe that what you have a passion and purpose for should conflict with what you have a need to do. In fact, I know they are directly in line with each other. Once put into practice, it makes the act of doing what is needed easier, because it doesn't deny what you have a desire to do. It takes integrity and dedication to get to that point for those of us who aren't there currently, but it's well worth the effort.

So I'm going to get started on putting it in practice, because I'm worth it. I am also ready to help anyone else whose ready to get started as well. And I'm all about helping Awesomeness Inc. get underway, and if you don't know what I'm talking about you need to read the article!

Question: Do you think it's possible to do what you're passionate about and gain prosperity from that? Or will it have to be something you do on the side and after your 9-5?

The Right Place

Have you ever been in a place of sheer joy in anticipation. Remember what it was like to be 8 years old and anticipating your birthday. You're pretty sure about what you're getting, and you're ready to start counting down:

I'll be 9 in 6 days, 15 hours, and 53 minutes....

I'll be 9 in 5 days, 3 hours, and 4 minutes....

I'll be 9 in 1 day, 2 hours, and 37 minutes....

You know it's coming and you know it's good. There is nothing coming in between you and the joy you are expecting. There is joy in expecting! When was the last time you had joy in expecting something? Was it when you were 8? Not just happy or satisfied, but completely elated and overtaken by the idea of something advantageous coming your way. When I'm in line with my blessings and anticipate them so much I can feel it and just about how far away it is, I get joy in expecting.

I am happy about the prospect of getting what I want and I go into a phase akin to what expectant mothers go through - nesting. I actually prepare myself and my environment for my blessing! It's not even a conscious act, I've just now noticed it. But it only happens when I have joy in anticipating what I want. I noticed another thing: when I'm bummed out, upset, feeling awful I couldn't attract (or enjoy for that matter) something great.

So what does this have to do with allowing your blessings?

It is one of my prerequisites for being in line with my blessings - having joy in expecting.

So what does it take to be in line with blessings?

For me, in addition to having joy in expecting, there are other requirements:

1) Where Am I? - I need to know where I am (analyze my current situation, I have to know where I am to know how to get to where I want to be)

2) Seek Help - I gather everyone I know that will aid me through advice, encouragement, and the resources to help me be in line with my blessings and/or help my blessings come to pass. I'm also sure to avoid people who tend to add negativity to my situation.

3) Getting My Mind Right - I keep myself thinking about what I'm anticipating, I keep myself in love with what I'm anticipating. I keep reminders where I can see them. And by all means I keep my attention off the lack of my blessings. I know that it's coming - I feel it coming.

4) Get About Doing! - If I know the steps that I need to take, I get about doing them. If I don't know or it isn't completely clear, I am about the business of doing what feels good and focusing on what's great in my life. Sooner, rather than later, I know I'll be shown the way.

I think a lot of the time most of us know what to do, we just tend to get caught up in the routine of our current life. Start small, if there are 100 steps, start and focus on the first ten and most importantly the first one. Do your best to get and stay in your place of blessing, you know when you're not there, don't you? So do everything in your power to get there, and let the Divine take care of the rest. Be focused, be of single purpose and of sound mind, you're on your way!

Question: What do you do to get yourself in line with what you desire? How do you feel when you're on path/in the right place?

The Truth...

So I stumbled upon something I put together a couple years ago, while I was redefining myself and in turn what I wanted and expected from a relationship. I noticed how relevant this diagram is to my current situation. I'm trying to cut out all the b.s. and get to what I know a relationship to be. I was always taught that's it's important to get yourself familiar with what you want, so you don't mistake it for something else when it crosses your path. My current state is one of introspection and redefinition. And for me the tail-end of any transitional phase is a new relationship, platonic, romantic, whatever, I'm getting ready to bring new and exciting people into my life. I'd like your opinion, though, on what you think is relevant about this diagram, what you think is inaccurate, or what may need to be added.

If you need a better view of the image click on it:

Oh, Baby!

I am reading this book called "Baby Love," it documents Rebecca Walker's (Alice Walker's daughter's) journey through her first pregnancy at 34. The book is so moving because it details the uncertainties she's facing as her mother's daughter, and as an independent, feminist in the 21st century. She battles many of the issues me and my peers are confronting: independence, self-autonomy, success, and freedom. I have yet to finish it, but I would recommend it to my female peers, especially those concerned with having it all, self-sacrifice, etc. I am not quick to put myself out there, but when I was reading the book I literally cried on every other page. Why? Because it made me realize just how much I want to have a child. It hit me like a 2 ton of bricks, right out of left field, and it took over me akin to an insatiable hunger (and any other cliches you can think of). WTF, why do I want to have a child!?! And what would I do with one? The more I tried to explain the urge away, the worse the urge got, the worse it got, the more emotional I became. Hormonal, instinctual, call it what you will, it's here to stay. It's almost akin to explaining away hunger:

Why are you hungry?
Because I want food.
Why do you want food?
Because you're hungry.

Why do you want a baby?
Because I have the urge.
Why do you have the urge?
Because I want a baby.

No explaining away here. If my mother ever reads this she's going to think I've gone mad, the more I think about it the more I think I have gone mad! No, I'm not looking to have a baby right now, I do have a rational side to me. I'm 24, soon to be unemployed (don't ask), and I don't even have my car in my own name. Trust me I am not becoming pregnant anytime soon, not to mention there are no prospects on the horizon to do the impregnating. And no I am not looking for volunteers! There are certain milestones that need to be surmounted before I can even entertain the idea, but I have been completely overtaken by the idea.

So I didn't start this post to be about my infatuation with my unconceived child, I want this to be about this fear of being unable to "have it all" (whatever that means) that so many of my peers are dealing with. Is it possible to be independent women, cater to ourselves and our goals, and still manage to have a family one day? I have friends at both extremes, either they have deferred their dreams to raise their children or they have put relationships and/or the potential of marriage, children, etc. on the back-burner to focus on their career and their dreams. So my questions is, is balance possible? Can I be a young woman devoted to myself, my career, manage a successful relationship that leads to marriage and possibly start a family, all the while maintaining my self-autonomy and freedom. Wow, that sounds like a lot to ask for! For me, the whole having the relationship thing is not an issue, the problem is having a partner who will actively engage in a partnership. If I want the man, the career, mySelf, and the kids, the balance of the family starts with a willing and able partner. That's why I'm single now, I've had more than my fair share of willing partners, it's just the able part that gets tricky. I think most women aren't looking for a man to pay our bills and support us financially, most of us are looking for support in our daily lives, someone that will help us get through our days. We're looking for our best friend, our life partner, our reflection, the yin to our yang. Understanding I have someone that will help me clean up when the ish hits the fan would take the pressure off as far as willing and able. I need someone that's ride or die. Maybe it's not so much about an able partner, maybe it's about how I'm growing to be an able partner for someone else. At the end of the day I can only do my best and have faith that just as I'm preparing myself, someone somewhere is getting ready for me too. So you better watch out, I am going to have it all. And even though I don't have many examples to go off of, I can lead the way. But for now I won't be picking out baby names, but I will get excited about it one day being on the horizon.

Question: What is your definition of having it all?